It’s a hot sultry afternoon. Rohan (R) has returned from school and isn’t particularly in a good mood. Not because anything awful happened, because the school isn’t Podar, Mumbai. And he misses everything Mumbai sorely. So just back from school is never a good time for R.
For Archie (A) a bad day is when he’s taken to the vet or the salon for a bath. Otherwise for His Royal Highness, every day is exactly the same. An absolute bliss.
R walks in, flings his bag on the study table, chucks his shoes across
R: Hi Dog! What’s up..
A: Hi. U tell me. U r the one who leads the dog’s life. (smirks)
R: (changing the topic)…I can see you’ve got a hair cut.
A: I’m not the only one, ha, ha. But then after you lost the curly top, I knew it would be my turn.(deep sigh!!)
R: yeah! But look what’s she done to your tail…omg…u look..(rohan guffawing loudly)
A: Shut up!! Or do u want me to tell mom to post your baby pix on FB and tag u on it. I’m sure the cute hot chick with whom u whatsapp all night, will love to see them.
R: What the F r u talking about…what hot chick…and anyways, mom’s been unfriended.
A: even worse. She will post it on GGnn moms and all aunties will go mushy gushy over you. And since u r stuck here in this little cosmopolitan village, it would be fun to see the aunties pull your pimply cheeks. (rolling over twice and grinning)
R realizes that he is losing to the dog. And that’s just not acceptable.
R: Ok, wanna play ball. Let’s get the red ball.
A: rolls his eyes up and down and woofs…what do I look like…a dog. I don’t play ball. Just switch on the frickin AC, it’s bloody hot. (he looks up at the AC, whines and wags his tail). I’m going to sleep while u crack trigonometry.
R: holy cow!!
A: I knew u wd forget. The big fat walrus is coming today and he’s taking a test. U r going to fail. U r going to fail…wot fun. And u wouldn’t go to college and thank god for that!!
R grabs Archie’s face and looks sharply into his liquid brown eyes. What do u mean? Why don’t u want me to go to college?
A: with u gone, I will be the sole target of mom’s love and attention. She wouldn’t have you to fuss about. Do u know how much she embarrasses me in the poo park? Gawd!! The names she calls…and yesterday she was making the sound to help me crap. It’s so embarrassing. I don’t need audio help to shit. The bitches were laughing at me. But no, mom had to say loudly..archie good potty. Good potty!!
R: I feel you bro. She gave me the family sandwich hug and posted it on FB.
They both flop on the floor. Rohan picks up the trigo text book and stares at it ruefully while Archie cuddles up closer near his knee.
Mom, from the other room… “OMG!! Just look what I found. Rohan!! I found the cute pink T-shirt that I bought for u when you were 4. Archie!!!
A and R look at each other. A scrambles for cover. R is now rocking with laughter.
A: Brother! U need to help me. She is going to make me wear a pink Tee and tie blue ribbons on my head…Rohan this isn’t a laughing matter. U know mom has issues.
R: almost choking…how do u know, she has issues.
A: dude, she fed me cerelac with the same spoon that she used to feed you. What do u think!! Bro…u gotta help me
R: what do I get in return…
A: I will share dad’s money and the houses with you. U do know they are leaving everything to me.
Rohan faints. Archie tries to hide under the bed but realizes he’s too fat and then dives behind the curtain.